Have you ever thought about the wondrous gift God gave us by allowing His Son, Jesus to be born in a stable? For me, the stable is a wonderful image of hope. Let me tell you a story.
I was about 21 and in a terrible relationship: living with a young man who was an alcoholic. I was in the early stages of alcoholism and also getting to play the role of the Alanon - I hated my life. Yet, as much as I disliked the situation I was in, my pride (not to mention stupidity) kept me from going to my parents because they were angry with my decision to live with him. Pride and stubbornness kept me stuck and miserable, as well as the financial reality that my name was on the lease. To me there was no way out of my miserable living.
One day we had a terrible fight and in anger I picked up a heavy glass ashtray and flung it at him. It missed him by barely an inch and that was only because he ducked. Horrified at my action that clearly could have seriously injured him, I ran from the apartment and down the stairs to a patch of grass where I began to sob: not crying but heaving sobs of rage and self loathing.
I had not prayed since I had begun drinking and behaving in ways that went completely against my values, but as I sobbed I heard my voice saying: "God, whatever you created in me that makes me me, is dying. And if I stay here it will be dead - the me you made will die. Please don't let it die."
The next day (yes, the very next day !), with courage and strength I knew was not mine, I packed up my stuff and moved back into my parents house. I would love to tell you that all was instantly well, but, I'm a slow learner: the champion of baby steps. It would be two years before I was able to accept the gift of sobriety and truly begin to have my life turn around. But my slowness is not the point of the story (though some might find it encouraging.)
The point is that God heard the sobbing prayer of my heart and gave me the grace and ability to do what I had not been able to do: God did for me what I, in my shame and pride, had been unable to do. The part of me that God made as me: my one-of-a-kind 'inmost self', remained alive. And this story is why I am very grateful that Jesus was born in a stable.
If Jesus: the Son of God: the Long Awaited Messiah and Emmanuel; God with us, was born in an unused stall in the animal's stable why should we even for a second, balk at the idea that God desires to live in the poverty of our humanness. Clearly as I learned sitting in despair on that patch of grass, you don't have to dress up for God, in fact your life can be as ugly as mine was and God will happily meet you. All God asks is that we desire Him with all our heart and offer our humble humanness as His home.
Today in the Nativity narrative, Mary and Joseph, tired from their long journey and on the verge of giving birth, went from inn to inn asking if they could please have a room. Over and over they were told no: the inn was full. Finally, one kindly person, taking the time to think of possibilities, offered a stall stabling his animals.
Today, the story we have been walking asks: are you willing to offer the poverty of your heart to an unexpected grace called Love? And, not just as a place for love to lay its head, no, a place for God's love to birth new Life.
No comments:
Post a Comment